A Life Changing Diagnosis

Receiving a diagnosis of terminal cancer is a life changing event; it certainly was for me, two months ago. Since then, I have worked hard to gather information aboout gallbladder cancer, and because it is rare, the information has been difficult to come by. One purpose for me in writing this blog is to share information gained, including links to sites on the web which have been productive and helpful. A second purpose, quite different but related, is to share my thoughts on the spiritual journey of receiving a terminal diagnosis. Perhaps this cancer will not kill me, but the odds are not in my favor.

The cancer in my gallbladder was discovered when my bile duct blocked, the bilirubin began to build in my body, and the blockage could not be cleared endoscopically. Surgery removed my gallbladder, revealed cancer in my bile duct, and provided a bypass for my bile duct; subsequent pathology reports indicated that the origin of the cancer was my gallbladder. I have recovered well from the surgery, and so have not begun chemotherapy, but there is a clear medical consensus that only chemotherapy will slow the progression of the disease. So, I will begin chemo when tests indicate that the cancer has begun to spread.

If you had only six months or a year to live, would you want to know? What would you do with the information? Would it make a difference in how you lived your life? These are questions I have been asking for the past two months. In asking them, I have also noticed how little guidance there is for this process. Who have I known personally who was able to anticipate their death? I can think of only two individuals, and I never asked them whether or not they were living differently in their awareness of their mortality.

So, those are the themes in this blog. I look forward to a dialog with those I know, and those I don't about this strange, life changing journey.