Saturday, February 10, 2007

I read Lynne's blog too!

As all of you do, I read Lynne's blog too. Even though we live together, I too eagerly await a post to hear what's going on in Lynne's mind. We talk a lot about life and love and cancer and work and kids' schedules but sometimes "life" intervenes and we don't finish conversations and so reading her blog helps me get a snapshot of her thoughts that we don't always get to in our day to day conversations. I also await people's comments. I do get some vicarious benefit from knowing all of you are out there offering Lynne kind words, support, laughs, and a space just to be. Lynne's cancer diagnosis, as you can imagine, has been hard for all of us in this family, kids included. Sometime when we are all just hanging out watching "American Idol" and cuddling it is easy to forget that cancer is apart of our life and then in a moment I remember and life seems to come crashing down.

It is hard to hear about Lynne's ever increasing aches and pains related to her cancer growth, hard to hear only because there is nothing I can do about it. I sooooo want to be able to do something to make this all go away. My friend Judy and I talk about searching for a magic wand (or perhaps more realistically, a magic pill) that can somehow make Lynne well. We haven't found it yet. Instead, we take it a day at a time. I try to balance the needs of Lucy and Nathaniel, stay fully present to Lynne, have a sermon each Sunday (as well as tend to other church needs)- but most days I just want to take a nap.

I guess I just wanted to say ... I am here, I love Lynne with a passion I never thought possible and this whole situation is breaking my heart.

7 comments:

Sandy said...

Patty,

I read, and sit, and ponder...how can I "type" a hug? How can I say with words what it is truly in my heart? I too have searched for that wand. I look at my little white jar, a gift from Lynne - and check that the miracle is still in there. And I wait, and I pray. I’ve learned in part from your example, to enjoy the gifts and the blessings of each day....Feel the light and the love that surrounds you, Lynne, Lucy and Nathaniel. It is forever present.

Love, Sandy

Anonymous said...

Patty,

My heart breaks for you and Lynne and your family. I wish I had a magic wand...I wish there was something that I could "do"...I feel helpless...I pray and I wait...and I check Lynne's blog (often several times a day)....sometimes I cry...through it all, I'm inspired by your faith and Lynne's willingness to share her vulnerability and her healing journey ...

both of you continue to teach and inspire me beyond words...I hope and pray that you both know I love you and that I am here for you.

You've held the Christ light for me in my places of fear...I hope in some small way...I can hold that same light of Christ for both of you.

Love, Debbie

Anonymous said...

ah, patty- you ,too, are so brave, so strong, even if it definitely doesn't feel that way right now- i can not even imagine your sadness and fear and all of the awful feelings that come with the unknown- but in the midst of it all, you write this beautiful entry and let us all know what's going on with you- how very brave that makes you-
i think those cuddly moments watching A.I. are exactly what your family needs- just those simple family minutes, seconds, instants- grab them and love them and hold them precious-
that's all any of us have, but you may know it more clearly than many do-
love and light -
alice

Linda said...

Dear Patty,

I was glad to see your entry on the blog, and of course it brought tears. I agree with Alice - you are brave, and both Lynne and you are an inspirition and continue to amaze. Your sermons touch my heart every time - I don't know how you keep doing it, but you do (no pressure).

You are every bit as much a focus of our prayers during this journey, and we love you.

Linda (& Jerry)

Beverly Lacey said...

Dear Patty,

Thank you so much for entering your thoughts on Lynne's blog. Through all my sadness about Lynne's diagnosis, one of the comforting facts is that she has you to travel this journey with her. You are all in my prayers.
Love and hugs,
Bev

Elaine Pascale said...

Patty,
I think you are awesome and I sympathize with, empathize with, and admire your role as a caregiver. Please remember to take time for yourself as well! As I continue to pray for Lynne, I include you and children as well.
Love,
Elaine

Anonymous said...

Patty,
I haven't been in here for awhile, so I am late reading on this. I think of you often, and Saturday when we met, I couldn't help wondering how you hold it all together. If it helps, you should know that I and my "network" of pray-ers do pray for you and Lucy and Nathaniel, right along with our prayers for Lynne.
Be sure that there is a "cyber-hug" coming from this computer this morning!
Mary McCarthy