Thursday, June 21, 2007

Managing the Pain

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to each and every one of you who responded to Patty's pleas for birthday wishes, and for sending your love and support. It was a special treat to hear from some of you that I hadn't heard from ever before. Your stories enrich me and give me a better sense of who "we" are. I do like the idea of this "blog family," and the fact that you all are touched by my story. And mostly, I love the sense of connection and community. Our widespread belief that we are completely separate from each other is so wrong, and can cause us so much pain. Recognizing our connection and our ability to truly support each other contradicts that sense of aloneness and can provide healing to body, mind, and spirit.

So, I'm now "officially" 60 years old; a new decade! Weird. There have been many times during the last year when I wasn't sure I would live to see this milestone. Now that I have, it feels a little anticlimactic, but turning 60 surely beats the alternative!

Last weekend was tough. I just had no energy, and there was so much going on that it was difficult to participate. In fact, much to my disappointment, I stayed home from the Saturday night birthday party. I hated to do it, but I just couldn't muster the energy, even to imagine being with all of these folks I love and who love me. Sunday I made it to the family party, but only after arriving early and taking a two-hour nap into the beginning of the party.

This week finds me feeling better, with more energy to carry some of my weight around the household, and better able to enjoy friends and family, books and movies. Mary, the hospice nurse, felt that a lot of what happened late last week and over the weekend was due to the pain, and so we've been strategizing about how to get "on top" of it. We've increased the dosage on my pain medication, which seems to be working, much to my relief. I can't believe what a difference it makes! The pain I feel is not a grab-my-side-and-moan kind of pain, but rather an ache in my abdomen that doesn't let up, and leaves me wanting to close my eyes, nap, and withdraw from life. Not sure I've ever felt anything like it before. The fatigue is definitely a big part of it.

We have begun to pack and otherwise prepare for our vacation in Ptown. We leave Saturday for two weeks of sunshine and salty air. I will be taking my laptop, so I'm not planning a blog vacation, although having access to the internet is always an open question.

That's my update for now. I am definitely feeling better, happily so. Love and thanks to each of you.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's great to hear that you are feeling better. I hope that in PTown you feel peaceful and are able to enjoy each moment. Living in the moment has been one of the many messages that I have gratefully received from you.

Love,
Lillie

Lynne said...

YES!!!! YIPEEEEEEE!!!! AND YAHOO!!
your dancing with glee buddy,

spazzzz

Elaine Pascale said...

Enjoy your vacation and enjoy Ptown. I have been meaning to get there sometime soon, myself, and soak up the ambiance. I hope your energy level picks up with the smell of the salt air and the Ben and Jerrys.
Elaine

Cathy said...

Lynne -

I think of you every day, and I will enjoy picturing you on the beach.

Much, much love -

Cathy

Anonymous said...

Dear Lynne,

It is wonderful that you are feeling better. We pray the meds will continue to keep the pain at bay and that you will have a true vacation with lots of sun, increased energy and appetite and fun, relaxing times. Blessings and love as always to you, Patty and kids.

Linda and Jerry

Anonymous said...

Lynne,
I'm so happy to hear that the change in pain meds is doing the trick. I hope you and Patty and the kids have a terrific time in P-Town! I'll be thinking of you lots!
Love,
Mary M

Anonymous said...

it was so good to see you upright today, lynne !!!! we are thrilled that you are going to make it to our beloved p-town !!! enjoy the sea and sun and salty air !!!
love, alice

sandy said...

I add Mary, the hospice nurse to the list of folks I am grateful for...yea for good pain control! Here's to another Glorious day of sunshine and refreshing breezes smiling on all of you! A hug to each member of the family. Happy travels!!

love, Sandy

Cori said...

Lynne,
As I sit at the computer this morning....and the kids are still blessedly asleep....the house quiet...I am once again drawn to your blog to see if there is a new message from you...or to read the many messages that are posted by this blog family!! I was talking to Jaime the other day...we both agreed and laughed about our newfound addiction! lol
I am glad that you have reached your milestone of sixty...and wish you many more accomplished milestones in your life!
Have a wonderful vacation. I'm sure that although it will be a slower view of Ptown...the memories, the salt air, the sunshine and blue skies ( Ice cream?...did someone mention ice cream?..my favorite treat! yum) and the love of your family to surround you will soothe and nourish your body and your spirit.
Enjoy, my friend...and don't sweat the small stuff.
Take your pain meds and your naps and let your worries and cares go.
Lovingly,
Cori

Carrie said...

Happy Birthday again Lynne! (HUG)
I missed Patty's post but hope you see this message.

So glad to know you're keeping the pain managed and that some energy is returning.

I am so glad you guys are taking a vacation. Have a wonderful time and don't worry about blogging unless you want to do it.

Much Love
Carrie

Deb said...

Dear Lynne,

A little late, but here is my birthday wish for you. I wish for you to continue to know and feel all the love that surrounds you and that you find joy and peace in this time.

I just came back from Ptown and was walking past the Ben and Jerry's sign towards the benches when I heard my name. For a split second I thought it might be you and Patti and the kids for that is where I always meet you. Obviously it wasn't, but it sure did make me think of you.

tonight was the begining of the spring hill weekend. YOu and Patti are in our thoughts and prayers. there are many of us who have been deeply touched by your work at the hill.

Have a wonderful time in PTOWN.

I also wish that your energy returns and that your pain is kept at bay.

Blessings.
Deb Barsel

Anonymous said...

Dearest Lynne -- I sit here on my birthday and think about all the birthdays we've known each other, ABA reports we've worked on and classes we've taught together. I'm shedding tears of joy at being so privileged as to know you, tears of pain at the adversity you're facing now, and tears for me and the world that we might soon lose you. Love to you, my friend, and to your amazing family -- enjoy Ptown and all its casual wonders and everyday delights.

All my love, Mary F.

Anonymous said...

hi lynne, I have tried to write so many times and couldn't do it. Now PAULA is sitting next to me and trying to teach me how.

Lawrence said...

I have felt shy at reaching out to you and Patti. But the grace of Paula's speaking in her heartfelt impish manner of your gentleness and strength of spirit this last weekend.....and catching your blog ....warms my own heart and moves me to tears.... Tears, not so much of sadness, as the tears which well up when we touch the depths of truth and feeling, and the inexplicable joyful/sad presence of letting go into what is present and true. I ask for ease and grace for you and for Patti. I thank you for giving us so much of yourselves.... and reminding me of so much to reach towards in myself, in ourselves.You remind me to join my own daily dance with directness, joy, and steadfastness.

Love to you, Lawrence